I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
