Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
