Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize