they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
