I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
