he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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