oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
