The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
