Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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