Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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