you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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