You smell like stripper and shame
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
