wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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