What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize