Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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