Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
