i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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