yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
