u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
