ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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