there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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