So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize