i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
