none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he shaved USA in his pubs
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
