everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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