party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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