Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The air taste purple.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
