i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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