I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize