he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
