she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
