I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hippo gnu deer
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
