This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
