Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
