Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
