...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
