Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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