saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
