Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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