The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Text me some of your sweat
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
