yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
