Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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