I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
