I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We're too hungover to prance.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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