He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
