What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
