I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
