as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have aggressive nipples.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
