She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
