All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
