Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
