A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
