I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
