Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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