And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
