Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
