I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
