Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
