Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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