1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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