i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
