I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
