The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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