I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Can I color on your dick again?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
