Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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