I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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