I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
