Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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