we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
